no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
