You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
