theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
