And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
