why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
