worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
its liver damage thursday
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
