why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
do herpes really smell.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
