You made me cry and you don't even care
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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