I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
