I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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