hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The best revenge is premature balding
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
