i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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