you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
