No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
