yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
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the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
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My bed is full of blood and feathers
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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