In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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