hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
