Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
