Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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