I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
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It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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