So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
