I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....