I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
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Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
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OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.