Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
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Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
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I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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