Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
