I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
