i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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