I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
