The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
