The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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