peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
