Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
