So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
