Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
