just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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