Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Two words: blizzard sex
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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