Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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