I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
