dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
