When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
