Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
