i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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