I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
