Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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