i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
