In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
