Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
