fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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