1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
