please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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