I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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