I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
They have beer where we have blood.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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