Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
