and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
