This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My dick has a subreddit
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
