VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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