discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize