I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
