I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
