i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
