Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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