sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
