Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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