I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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