I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
