I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
