K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
