i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
