winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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