I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize