mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
