I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
