is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
