I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
